I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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