he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
