i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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