it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
