And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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