why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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