I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize