walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
