We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
