That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
