so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
