are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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