Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
