Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
