dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
