when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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