Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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