bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
