I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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