Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
