yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
