Please, let me fuck your mom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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