What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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