Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
