I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
