Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
3pm strippers are depressing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
