I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
