I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
