WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
