How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
