Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
