We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
