I am puke
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize