You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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