I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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