I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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