Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
