Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
