I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
