A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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