I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
