is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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