Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize