He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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