I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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