Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
