i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so let's talk penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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