Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
