He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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