there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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