I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
