I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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