is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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