I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
