Cold hands, warm shart.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
