and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
