I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
