my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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