wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
