We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
