easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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