wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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