Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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