I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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