Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
