You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate all girls vehemently.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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