and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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