I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
