I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Green mimosas i think yes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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