You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
