forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
