At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
